I must say..It is probably the hardest blog I had to write to this date...
It was about two months ago when it all started. Or maybe it had started a little earlier than that, but that's when I noticed. You know what it's like. Life gets busy and we let some things slide.
After a long day at work and a busy night with my two little ones at home, it was already quiet late and I just couldn't drift to sleep. For those of you who know me or have been following my blog for a while, this doesn't come as a surprise; I don't sleep much.
So, as I was tossing and turning in bed, my husband whispered..."why don't you just go have a bath and hopefully it will help you relax. Interestingly enough, I couldn't recall the last time I drew myself a bath. So I did. I put the music on, I poured a glass of champagne and put enough bubbles to overflow the bath. It sure was very quiet and quite relaxing. I read a few chapters of my book but the whole time I was in there, I thought of the past, the present and the future. Experiences I had been through, travels I have been lucky enough to experience, new places I would love to visit one day, that trip to Italy that's on the cards but hasn't happened yet, people I have loved with all my heart, memories I have made. I immediately felt so lucky and blessed.
Do you ever just sit there and thank your lucky stars for all the goodness they have sent your way? If you haven't, make sure you do. It feels nice.
As I grabbed the towel and came out the bath I was content and ready for bed.
But then this happened;
I think I felt it as I was drying myself. On the top left side. A little lump. I checked again. It was big enough to find quickly. In the month of September, just after my beautiful girl's birthday and a short breath away from my own birthday, everything was about to change.
In essence, I am a very positive, strong and determined woman. I smile a lot and I don't give up easily. I honestly believe that there is nothing one can't do. I say this to everyone that comes to me for advise. "As long as you are healthy, there is nothing you can't do". And they are not just words coming out of my mouth, I do believe every word I say.
So, as I was laying on my bath floor completely immersed and consumed by what I had just found, all I could think of was my family and two beautiful children. And my daughter in particular. What is this now? Is it genetics? What does this mean for my little girl? How can I find out if something is wrong straight away? Should I be worried?
I reckon I had one of the worst and most stressful nights of my life, followed by a horrendous couple months with tests, ultrasounds and mammograms. I forgot about everything else. I couldn't concentrate on much and my mind would always go back to what I have found that night in the bath. I just couldn't come to terms with the fact that in one moment my life could change dramatically. I must admit I am a control freak and this was just something I couldn't control. I told my husband, and a couple other special people in my life but then I stopped talking about it. They all said and did the right things, gave me positive energy and hope that it will be alright but I just decided that in times like these, you need to help yourself. And the other thing one has to do, is to SMILE. I did. I smiled more than ever before. And it felt better than ever before.
I can't tell you to be brave because I was not. And that would make me a hypocrite. I am not. As I was sitting in the waiting room, in my pink robe waiting to get tested and go through my results with the doctor, I was absolutely terrified. I was scared and there was nothing I could do to take the fear away. But as I looked around me, I saw all kinds of women feeling and experiencing the exact same thing. Some, like myself, had good news and some didn't.
I can't inspire you, I know.
But this is my honest truth; October is the month for breast cancer awareness and I couldn't even write this blog earlier because I didn't have the courage to. That's it. I didn't have the courage to put these words together until I knew what and if something was wrong. I thought of all my wonderful readers; Some of you might have experienced the 'c' word, others have had a scare at some point in your lives and others are about to get tested. To those of you who have been through it and came out the other side, all I can say is that I respect your strength and determination more than anything in life. You are truly amazing and genuinely inspirational. But you don't need me to tell you, what you already know.
The only reason I am writing this to all of you today is because I want to shout out that you are NOT ALONE and to also remind you to go and have your regular checks no matter how "uncomfortable", "nerve wrecking", and "scary" they might be. If diagnosed early, breast cancer is curable. Be supportive to your friends, your aunties, your mothers, sisters or daughters. Be there to listen, give courage and love beyond words. It could happen to any of us.
To the three people that listened to me, encouraged and showed me love whilst going through my little turmoil...You know who you are and I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there when I needed you the most.
To the wonderful women out there that are currently battling with breast cancer;
"Please remember that you are not alone and that you never know how strong you really are until being strong is the only choice you have." You are absolutely incredible and a true inspiration to all of us.
Time on earth is limited so don't waste it on little things that don't matter. Look after yourselves and the people who matter to you, love with all you have and remember to smile because life is not only a wonderful gift but also an incredible journey.
- Some statistics about breast cancer
Breast cancer is the most common cancer affecting women. In 2014, it is estimated that 15,270 Australian women will be diagnosed with breast cancer; however it is important to remember that most women survive breast cancer.
Relative survival rates after diagnosis of breast cancer in women have increased in recent years. Between the periods 1982–1987 and 2006–2010, five-year relative survival increased from 72 per cent to 89.4 per cent in Australian women.
To find out more click on the link below